there is no Neo, said the spoon

I don't believe in "the one." I didn't before my last relationship and I certainly don't now. I guess I've never been a big believer in fate or determinism or predestination or whatever you want to call it. Our lives are, without a doubt, influenced by outside forces, but we're still logical creatures that make decisions and choices. You can certainly find a one, but the? That one person you were meant to be with from birth? The only person you could ever truly be happy with? I don't think that exists.

That's not to say you shouldn't believe the one you're with is "the one," if that makes you happy. But I'm against the concept for a few major reasons:

1) It gives to much credit to fate. So many girls think they can just sit back and wait for their prince to come, for some guy to fall into their lap. They don't want any guy who doesn't come out swinging, who doesn't attempt to woo them. And too many of them won't give a guy a chance if he doesn't fit that ideal in their head.

2) If someone's "perfect for you," then you expect things to be perfect. Successful relationships take a lot of work and a lot of right choices and it's easy to forget that when you're caught up in emotion. It's easy to rest on your laurels, confident that you've finally found that special someone and let things fall apart right in front of your eyes. And when things aren't perfect, when there are problems and work that has to be done, too many people cut and run, secure in the knowledge that it must have not been "meant to be" if things were so hard.

3) On the other side of things, people sometimes cling to a relationship that's obviously not working because they had some feeling, some premonition that this one was going to last and they don't want to let that go. We've all seen it, that friend who puts up with constant abuse, who soldiers on through fight after fight, through numerous metaphorical or literal slaps in the face because their emotions tell them that they have to. Because, from the beginning, they knew. They "just knew."

So call me a cynic if you want to. Tell me I don't have enough experience to make statements like that. Tell me that I'll find her someday and then understand. That's fine. I know I can't change anyone's mind about something they've probably believed their whole life. Just promise me you'll be careful.