on books and human bondage

Andy Warhol coined the now-famous fifteen minutes of fame when he said that in the future, everyone will have their own fifteen minutes. I think we can take it a step beyond that. In the future, everyone will have their own book. And I mean everyone. I was at Barnes & Noble tonight and ran across a book by Ty Pennington. For the heterosexual males out there who aren't familiar with the name, Ty is the carpenter from "Trading Spaces," everyone's favortie home make-over show. Why a guy who hammers and saws stuff on TV for a living needs to write a book is beyond me. And he's not the only d-list celebrity with a book. It seems like every person who manages to get their fifteen minutes gets a book deal along with it. It doesn't matter if you're the second banana on a sitcom, the victim of a minor tragedy that made the news for a few days, or spent two weeks as a roadie for Genesis, there's a shelf in Barnes & Noble reserved for you. It actually got me thinking: there's no way all of those people are doing the actual writing. Ninety-eight percent of them probably use ghost-writers, somebody to string their incoherent musings and memories into actual sentences. So the question is, how do I get that job? Not only is it easy money, but the perks are great. I could even wear a pen around my neck and help middle-schoolers solve crimes in my spare time. Sign me up, man. Sign me up.

And while we're on the subject of Barnes & Noble, I also noticed a book that frightened me quite a bit: The O'Reilly Factor for Kids. Honestly, I can't say I've ever been a fan of O'Reilly, although it's not really that I disagree with his politics so much as I just think he's a douche bag. I've never really listened to or watched his show enough to know what he believes politically. I just know he comes off like a cranky old man who hates everybody and I'm not really a fan of cranky old men unless they're Bob Dole. That being said, The O'Reilly Factor for Kids??? Are you kidding me? Wanting your kids to have a basic knowledge of politics is one thing. Buying them a book so some overpaid talking head can indoctrinate your eight-year-old into your way of thinking, however, is a little much.